Am I just stupid? They reference this study then go into the origins of life on earth and completely ignore mentioning the study again. What the fuck is this article?
Ah, I see it now. What a surprise, absolutely nothing has changed besides what we think will happen when the sun collapses into a white dwarf.
Sensational clickbait trash.
Even if it was balanced wouldn’t the orbits of the planets eventually decay anyways?
But all my stuff is there!
What about your wife and kid? (TFS reference)
No way! The Universe will one day not exist anymore? That’s sick bro, you should tell some astrophysicists, they’d be shocked!
Where are those Accelerationists when you need them?
Attaching rocket thrusters to small moons, probably.
Promise?
Our sun is expected to become a red giant in 5 billion years, so that should help.
Still a few billion years? We’ll turn it into a junkyard way before then.
Humans are terminally unstable and will die within an average of 73 years. More at 11.
Finally some good news.
Humanity is more terminally unstable, so we win!
Now we compete to rank which humans are most unstable!
Finally some good news.
Obviously though? Like that’s entropy, it’s fundamentally built in.
Some 5 year old will hear about this and start panicking.
Insert picture of Big Bird in front of a circle of sitting kids with wide eyes and a speech bubble: “… and after it swallows our entire planet whole, it will destabilize the outer planets, swallowing some of them and hurling others out into inter-stellar space where they will become rogue planets. It doesn’t matter how many vegetables you eat or chores you finish, this eventuality is inevitable, which is today’s word of the day!”
