The Notebook on molly isn’t anywhere near as sad as conservatives trying to be creative. Fuck’s sake.

For the record, if that happens to you, stand up and be a public nuisance.

“EXCUSE ME FLIGHT ATTENDANT BUT, can I please have a plastic spray shield to protect myself while this man masturbates midflight?”

You can also involve the other passengers directly, if they don’t react to your obvious public call for help (above) by asking if anyone else sees this guy flogging the dolphin in Seat 33B?

The more euphemisms you can use, the better!