Sure, the text is garbage, but how about that wall-mounted forked metal dildo? Damn, Parker, didn’t know you had it in you.

I could’ve beaten it but only to the first story, second one’s too sad.

Testing out the sledgehammer-proofing app.

If you think that’s bad, you should hear the original plan for how they were going to conclude the event.

I’m a little old for him.

When I die, I hope it involves a comedic series of events and I’m still present enough to appreciate the situation in my final moments.