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Secret Panel 💦

Transcript
4 Panel Comic
Panel 1: A doctor lifts up a healthy baby in front of a tired mom
Doctor: Welcome to the world, little guy!
Panel 2: The doctor holds the child up in front of a tablet
Doctor: You need to create a life account
Panel 3: The baby is frustrated as the tablet rejects the input
Tablet: Sorry, that username is taken
Panel 4: The baby facepalms as the tablet needs even more info to create the account
Tablet: You need to make an email account for Two-Factor Authentication
Secret Panel: The baby sweats as the tablet continues
Tablet: Enjoy your 30 day trial of life. After-which, there is a monthly charge.
Today a site required me to make a username that must not share any of the letters in my name and must have a number in it, with a password that needed six non-consecutive numbers.
Please crawl out of my ass and leave me be, infosec.
Kid named “Sphinx of black quartz, judge all of my 1,432,765,089 vows!”:
must not share any of the letters in my name and must have a number in it, with a password that needed six non-consecutive numbers
Reminds me of the first time I applied online for an ESTA visa to visit the US: It said that I had to enter my name exactly as it is on my passport but with only the letters of the English alphabet, which is contradictory to the point of impossibility.
On a subsequent trip, I was stuck in Phoenix’ Moon Moon (officially Sky Harbor Airport) for several hours and missed my flight because the check in machine couldn’t deal with that same non-English letter and there was around a million passengers per employee to help resolve such issues 🤦🏻
Can’t get user data stolen if you don’t have users
Wtf, that’s pointless requirement for a username.
Also, passphrases are better than passwords
It explains a lot of the usernames as names people are assigning their kids.
That baby aged 20 years in 2 sec
And a facebook account for three factor authentication.
Sadly I see this happening one day, but of course it will actually be made to work just fine by being autogenerated with the birth and details provided to you the following day through the parents email. Can’t wait till a company believes this is absolutely needed and convinces politicians to be on board because hes rich and told them it will protect the children somehow.
As an aside, I don’t see any reason why we couldn’t have a system where the combination of someone’s name and birth year had to be unique. This would make identifying unique people a snap. Your full name and your birth year would be enough to find your file at the doctor’s office, bank, or literally anywhere else.
Even assuming people only choose to pick from the 500 top names, this allows 125 million unique combinations every year following the English trinomial naming convention. It rises to 62.5 billion combinations if one follows the tetranomial Hispanic naming convention. The issue of running out of names or duplicate names would almost never come up. And parents could just reserve a name for their child if they were so bothered.



